I woke up this morning thinking last night was another successful $2 Tuesday at Kilroy’s on Kirkwood only to find out someone I know went to jail. I don’t want to mention any names or locations, just the general situation and how the local law enforcement have bigger fish to fry in this town than a couple of drunk kids coming home from the bars. Here’s the account I received from my roommate this morning:

Three gentlemen were walking a relatively short distance home (Google Maps estimates it as less than 900 ft. by walking) when a young lady passes them obviously looking like she was suffering from the effects of alcohol. She fell into some bushes in front of a university owned building and two of the gentlemen helped her up. The third gentleman continued to walk home and was shortly thereafter joined by one of the other gentleman. The first gentleman home enquired as to where the last of their party had gone and the second gentleman said that the third gentleman was canoodling in the alley with their new female acquaintance in a nearby alley.

While the Good Samaritan was being rewarded for his kindness and the other two gentleman sit safely home, police lights suddenly flood the street. The two gentlemen sitting home investigate to find their Good Samaritan friend and new female acquaintance being arrested. What could they have possibly done to draw attention to themselves besides do a little stumbling and smooching?

After hearing this story, I went about my morning to my first class only to see the front page of the IDS. Their top story reads, “IUPD still searching for a suspect in assault case“. Over the weekend, a crazed male came up on a group of students returning to their dorms and slashed three of them. One male got a 4 inch cut on the throat that required 19 stitches and two girls received “superficial” cuts. During this assault they were able to identify him as being between 5′ 6″ and 6′ 2″ (yes, 8 inches in disparity) and that he was wearing jeans, a yellow t-shirt, and a white hooded sweatshirt. How they figured out what color shirt he was wearing under his sweatshirt while not being able to give a relative height description remains to be untold (they were probably drunk).

The assailant ran off and a witness gave police a direction (read: wild goose chase). He is still on the loose and a composite sketch has been seen by most of Bloomington. I will go on record saying that the Good Samaritan looks nothing like this sketch even though he may be between 5′ 6″ and 6′ 2″.

So why is the Bloomington Police Department trolling alleys to break up make-out sessions instead of trying to catch the Bloomington Slasher? I haven’t received the full story explaining why the two went to jail last night. If it turns out they were breaking into a car or something, then I’ll write a follow up post hailing the BPD, but until then they need to get their priorities straight!